follow my heart..

2011-01-13T22:38:00.003+08:00

almost a mth since the last entry

thought if writing it down in a journal would be better

but standard! i cant do a day to day journal.

guess wad i feel like doin i'll jus do :)

for nw i wanna blog. haha!!

sch's start been busy with studies :S and sick!

hate that i'm nt bondin well w my empire peeps hopefully things will turn out fine

and since hols i've nt been goin for trg regulary!!

its like shit! cause i really dont feel like goin anymore :S

no one but myself to blame :X

plus plus there's a com comin this sat. gg and gonna be like my last com i must need to join

from nw till dont knw when i'll jus gao feeling to join haha!

besides all this relationship w bf had been real great :D happy happiness :D

only thing i hate my ears :S i'm really have bad hearin problem everytime talkin to love on e phone..

and and and i wan my hair to grow long long nowwwww

lastly gonnna make blog open again. cause i dont wan it to be a dead blog.

but i'll change my mind. i always do jus like bf :D

2010-12-15T04:24:00.002+08:00

Flower, gleam and glow

Let your power shine

Make the clock reverse

Bring back what once was mine

Heal what had been hurt

Change the Fates' design

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

What once was mine

2010-11-22T18:17:00.002+08:00

prior to the previous post do i still feel that way?

i knw i wan to change hw i feel

but i jus cant

i cant find the strength to do so

felt v comforted after bf text but after a while the feelin came back

crapness hate the feelin y does it always have to come back not even an hr or 2 and it return

what the hell is wrong with me.

i hate seriously hate feelin like this but i jus cant help it

my emotions is sooo totally takin control all over me.

i'm jus hiding my emotions deep inside cause i dont wan ppl to ask am i alright cause i'm not i'm not alright at all but i jus dont feel like say or sharing to anyone. yess i dont wan to share or tell anyone hw i'm feelin wad i'm goin throught.

only u knw wad i'm goin throught...

and u tell me hw even after ur comforted msg an hr or 2 i feel this way again.

arent i serious hopeless???

2010-11-22T10:09:00.003+08:00

suddenly i thought have i really been too selfish and nvr care enough abt bf feelings???

am i that mean n uncaring? always makin bf angry n worried n upset.

is that all i'm capable of?

always not wantin to do all this yet it always happen

always happen before he book in makes everything feels crap

and i'm gettin from bad to worst cant help feelin better.

when my awful feelin i jus dont knw wad i wan.

i always makes things worst.

nw that this point of time i feel even more crap

i cant help feelin better but i also dont wan u to worry.

i'm in the verge of really collapsing and breakin down.

i jus cant take another blow anymore.

we made each other happy bt we also made both of us feel like crap.

u always say things will get better.

in the past i always trust u.

but nw i keep havin doubts

u say things will be alright but no it jus get worst.

we'll keep arguin again.

this relationship both make me really really happy but also really sad too.

i jus dont knw hw to keep going.

every other time crying even for the smallest thing.

its pathetic u knw. i feel pathetic but i jus cant control the tears.

i cant control my feelin and jus made things worst.

i'm on the verge of collapse alr.

2010-11-18T19:09:00.002+08:00

today sch sucks

totally shitty to the max.

i really feel i'm tryin my best to study harder but all it seems is bull shit and crapness

seriously.

was feelin worst to the max after the last lecture

where i went to find clique and i said i dint understand next thing got ppl teachin min n karmun

shit shit can how come ppl all care for them when they straggle

but i feel like i'm nt bothered.

no one knws how much i'm strugglin

shit the course shit me for choosin it

its all negative but wads optimism can i find

realise that i've the lowest gpa for the girls in my class.

not like i dont wan to do my best but crap shit wads the use wads the point!

2010-11-17T20:07:00.002+08:00

guess it really better being private can really say and type wad i want.

so today is well can kinda say great. :)

morning slack/show w sis/editin of essay plus lunch w my mum n sis

then went to love hse to slack and nap

before sentin love to ws to get stuff for his friend and went him off for the bus to yishun :)

things that kinda suck to day so wann to have better communication w love.

then also i wan to make an effort to dress better for love :)

i also wan to train for climbin but feels crap!

everything seein fb ppl commentin abt climbin stuff i feel sucky :(

2010-11-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

i hate climbin

i hate wad i see n am not part of it.

i,m like a on one and it totally sucks

but who else to blame but myself....

2010-11-14T18:52:00.003+08:00

i knw my blog gonna be emo n stuff alr.

but i jus cant help it. dont know wads happy to say

even relationship at times is so crap.

always think its our fault bt then its me.

its jus me and always me...

life's a mess...

at times i feel my life is in a mess.

i dont wan to continue nor do i hav the strength if i restart it.

so screwed n messed n no one ever will knw it

2010-11-13T20:08:00.002+08:00

i decide to private my blog alr.

i dont tell sayin jus certain things n not others.

even so wadever no one ever read it maybe they dont even care.

anw suddenly feel freakin lousy.

always thinkin i will be a great gf. but in actually fact i'm on.

most of the times i'm the one unnoticingly which causes the quarrels

i nvr do much for this relationship.

always thinkin i do.

besides these else i'm jus nt good gf. haiz...

2010-10-25T10:11:00.003+08:00

finally like serious the dark clouds are gone :)

i'm back no norm alr. all thanks to bf remedy :)

sch starts this week

bt it slack this week. only thing i dont wan econs lect on tue :(

besides that i,m all fine :) hopin able to have a catch up session with girlfriends soon.

the last hols even though it was a month dint had any catchin up

yupyup

2010-10-22T14:55:00.002+08:00

messy confuse mixed up everything is rojak!

nw i'm jus wait for sch's timetable to come out.

anw i doubt anyone reads my blog or does someone do??

i'm jus puttin a smile infront of everyone does anyone notice??

2010-10-18T11:11:00.002+08:00

jus wan my life to be like this nw...

2010-10-07T11:33:00.001+08:00

i dont wan to fight anymore.

i'm sick and tired of it.

bt it always happen.

u nvr ever support the first time in anything i do

which really is impt.

i dont know la....

2010-10-03T22:37:00.002+08:00

things got better and i'm back happy again :)

and today been really tired.

found this event job for 3 days and it was even luckier that i was being called.

pay was super good with nice people and i learn many new things and experience.

great pay with experience :D

hope they will call again :)

so now before john little expo job will be slackin and exerising and choing climbin if i can.

i miss the chiong feelin of climbing alr :(

i do hope i can get that feel back :)

anw loves great talk with my bf on e phone happies :)

2010-10-01T11:15:00.002+08:00

sometime i wonder does anyone every read my blog?

i feel no one understand my feelings what i'm goin through..

2010-09-28T11:35:00.002+08:00

bf went to ns ytd alr.

at least ytd was early so i was occupied. but today feel weird for now.

i feels so lonely without him. feels so weird.

really feel weird and restless for now too.

no one to find and meet up.

then work is like lost. i totally nt sure. and the stupid person incharge is on mc cant even contact her.

everything feels so bu san bu shi.

and i cant go out cause i'm broke too :(

i cant do anything :(

see how things go ba :( i wan to keep myself occupied to it wont feels so bad. but the stupid job thingy :(

and and and i really wan to climb n go for com. to be with my climbmates and i havin doubts

i still have e fear from rockmaster super disappointed how am i to go for e next com?

and even if i really get to train will i be able to go for the com???

i dont know.everything feels......

2010-09-25T12:16:00.002+08:00

ytd blog theme had problem nt sure wads the problem bt was a little upset.

lucky its over alr :)

anw result out and as usual disappointing.

really feel like giving up so sucky.

anw besides that got a job at john little.

and i cant spend bt save cause no money alr.

and and and bf is leavin for ns on monday

sianess gonna miss him.

so many things happen with him around and i'm glad i met him :)

this week was also busy with things.

ytd was one of the best.

went tau hui, see fireworks and walkin at sentosa beach with love :) and his salvo friends.

love him :)

2010-09-19T18:31:00.001+08:00

havin nt training at all for one mth plus i feel i cant climb anymore suddenly wan to give up climbin...

2010-09-19T18:19:00.001+08:00

:( now...

2010-09-19T11:05:00.002+08:00

ytd mornin was searchin for job.

i hope i really can get one. i'm so broke. :(

then evenin went with eric n dad to buy fan n wardrobe at ikea

then went home for dinner before fixin the wardrobe till 12plus

suddenly i miss bf more.. dont wan him to so ns so soon

i dont know...

2010-09-18T02:11:00.001+08:00

i give up on tryin livejournal..

wanted to change but everything there is so confusin..

and i feel like bloggin plus i need to keep track of things

so i hope i'll be bloggin soon.

blog had been dead of a while..

2010-08-06T16:22:00.001+08:00

i'll do it another day....

2010-04-12T10:44:00.002+08:00

wow!!! dint know its been so long since i last posted
been really busy and guess wad
now its one week left before sch reopens.
time flies so fast
was otc main exams hols outings chalet FOs and now week 0 before sch is reopen.
gonna totally enjoy this week.
good thing no work n nvr sign up for week 0
anw. lots of novir love now :)
besides that i feel totally drifted from climbin. i think its FOREVER this way.
climaprix??? i've decided bt now indesicive again!! hiaz.
then sch reopening only have one goodie good reason. clique love :D

straight after fo sleep at love hse.
then went for dinner ad got something :D
something i dint expect bt i real enjoyed e time spent :)
and my surprise was a failure! haha!

2010-03-22T12:44:00.003+08:00

as usual been busy during the hols w work trgs n outtings.
last night meet up w princesses to celebrated my belated bday
had lots of fun for a short while :)
then this morning had a short run.
***
kinda sian, sad n tired abt having to be home early n stuff.
y cant jus stay longer later n more
but when thats done more will be asked. haiz
n i really dont know what how to ask talk to u.
haiz. for short i really dont know.
i dont know how to priories as much as u do.

2010-03-14T10:43:00.004+08:00

went shopping w mich e other day to get dnd clothes.
quite simple cause was a little rushin for time
then there was novir chalet
was real glad lots of ppl came and bond
manage to interact w some ppl i dint expect i would even talk to
E gave me a lovely bday surprise and i really love it a lot
bt then after that things wasnt too well
receive sms results with disappointment
climbin com boulderactive was atrocious
flash and finish only 1 route
how horrible can it get
with rankin equally upset
so i dint take part in team event changed placed
and i'm really grateful evelyn was there.
thx a lot for being there jus nice
then also i wasnt feelin too well at e end of e day
anw this was e cake E bought
was really a surprise

really thx love :)

2010-03-09T01:05:00.003+08:00

been busy with outtings and work and a little trging lately.
and ytd work was WOW! totally tiring
but its an experience too.
still thinkin show i work next week too?? hmm
anw comin up with novir chalet, another com w team event :/ and my bday
which wont be happenin after all
thought it doesnt falls on com day but now it does..

2010-03-04T22:31:00.003+08:00

k so class chalet end up i went for only a day
then went to celebrate kaijie bday at ben bro hse last night before goin to E hse to sleep super tired.
before that went to andrew bday chalet
where i lost my ezlink card :(
super sadded to e max and
dam piss off lost my card at e wrong time
but thanks to E for lending me his ezlink card
anw its nvr a right time to lose my ezlink card with my schedule
then today had climbing com at smu.
e com was slightly diff
n e routes r harder too.
lots of locking n footwork is needed
need to really improve
but then overall i guess its alright.. kind happy yet nt happy with my rankin
of 12 out of 40 plus??
then next week got another com, clashing with refresh 3.
such a busy busy week.
i've a terrible urgent to go shopping n suntan!!!!

2010-03-02T10:12:00.004+08:00

been a busy weekend with lots of activities and many more to come.
anw i my beloved princesses love notes r lost some where at home :(
and i'm dam dam sad abt it :(
anw there's trg and chalet later :D
wanna find back e notes!!!!

<3 no matter how busy u'll always be on my mind..

2010-02-26T02:55:00.003+08:00

finally exam are over. still remember the 2 weeks before exams had lots of stuff goin on..
then the pass few days sleepin at 3 4 plus bt thx E for pei-in me.
then now exam over... i dont know. yes u i know i'm referin to that
i sorry i'm only able to say it here
but still.
it wasnt meant to be like this or i nvr thought it would happen to me or so soon.
being ok with everything was cause i totally trust u. as long there's e speical can le.
bt that was my thinkin nt urs/ having kinda different thinking/ diff thoughts/flow of chains.
worst was how i handle it. i totally suck it big time n seriously
haiz i dont know. startin nt to be myself a little alr.
any g friend i always think of wad u say n stuff considering thinkin before sayin
i dont wan i dont wan to restrict myself n i dont wan u too at all.
may also cause wad u've been through n i haven had my trust broken before.
bt i for sure am confirm there arent things between us.
i dont know i really don
jus wan things to be better and i'll get over it
i dont know i really dont

2010-02-11T20:08:00.002+08:00

this week my body have been real week for me to do thing :(
so disappointing.
next week is study week follow by sem exam
then bf is goin to genting misses
anw shall wait for after sem exams.
hope i'll have a stronger body

2010-02-03T00:18:00.001+08:00

something beyond my expection.
really i nvr expected it.
anw really had to talk
so talk to mummy abt it.
n come to a decision.
n i know its a great opportunity to miss.

2010-02-01T23:39:00.004+08:00

k so uncle have been saying my post have been very emo.
so for once the post is sunshine :)
without any worries i hope :P
then also i'll TRY upload photos kies?! cause princesses (jia jia) complain:P
firstly wanna thx uncle for being super duper sweet n understanding this few days :D
with rossy n chz cake :D
and also when i'm so tired n grumpy he dint say a thing :)
also for sharing his salvo with me :)
then i'm also TRYING to improve my climb skills which isnt THAT effective.
hope the effort will pay off n i dont ban tu er fei(think correct spelling)
lastly i'm slowly starting to feel the sem exam stress :(
anw some PICS!

chz cake from sugarloaf is in reen cam... :)

2010-01-31T12:00:00.002+08:00

randomly view ppl fb.
n havin random motivation to do well in certain thing.
n i can say its nt impossible.
bt my motivation can nvr last for long :(
n i'm forever givin myself excuesses. argh!

2010-01-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

this week is finally over.
surprising is nt as stressful as i expected
bt the maths test today was a little screwed
the other papers were KINDA fine.
anw i'm still havin cold war with my dad. haiz
n at times he's really mood swing.
so piss me off n i'm kept reminded with wad he said to me.
n i cant wait for hols!!!
bt exams still have to come first. :/
n novir dinner wasnt that successful bt get to know some peeps there a little more :)

2010-01-24T16:14:00.000+08:00

i'm really stubborn :X
bt i dont wan to do anything.
n it seriously sucks! :(

2010-01-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

the feeling its irritating angry n quite hurting.
first u secretly stalk me
then now u dont believe me AT ALL
i was really study just by chance he was there thats all.
then u doubt that i was studyin
there was even prove but if it continues like that
continue nt trusting me
then i shallnt even bother to share
cause u wont even believe me.

2010-01-16T17:34:00.003+08:00

is at his hse now!!!

n his bathing :D

suppose to be studying but err...

meeting the parents session was weird n i was totally shy

then before that there was bouldermania

i totally woke up late n thx for him calling me

he did something real sweet thought its wasnt successful i'm real touched :)

and getting to the place was really a hassle

ntu is so big!

the com was alright

actually can say its easy compare to normal school trging

bt i totally screwed super finals :S

till its a lot of fun :)

2010-01-15T21:50:00.003+08:00

another busy week
but this time things are diff.
and i'm glad n grateful <3
bt then been goin home late dad isnt quite happy.
anw i hope i'll get wad i wan.
its a big risk to take but i hope so...
tml is bouldermania.
early in the morining i'll try my best thats all :)

2010-01-10T12:29:00.002+08:00

so this week is FINALLY over.
a super busy busy week yet its also great :)
everyday going home so late!
had some bad but its more of great!
especially ytd nice :D
shallnt say a thing for now.
buts its really so sweet!!
anw bouldermania next week wonder how would it be
i'll treat it as another experience
i was afraid that i forgotten how to climb but the feeling is slowly coming back :)
if feel distance but i dont care anymore because i've shut myself.
n i dont wan to bother :) thats final!
anw...
a new year a REALLY new beginning :)

i'll wait but i still cant help feeling a little worried
cause after all it happen once....

2010-01-05T16:41:00.002+08:00

the sucky feeling is back now :(
the mood of being demoralise after viewing results and have a test.
just totally screwed up.
n i dont know how to really improve them
besides that i realise i'm nt gonna bother anymore
i'm just gonna stick to my own business n nt caring abt thing related to 'that'
nothing but to blame myself for not able to give up and like 'it' too much
and what to do about it ?!?! tahan.. and jus keep my mouth shut in my own world.
i dont wish n hope for anything anymore
cause i feel i've tried my best so i think thats enought n i've given up....

2010-01-03T23:49:00.002+08:00

weekend was kinda slack cum busy?!
sat had coach wedding followed by tpsc bonding session
watch treasure hunter a comedy adventure movie
then went to cut hair before going home
was suppose to study bfa bt wasted lots of time slacking at home doin nothing :/
then today did some study with tv -.-
followed by mass otc at sentosa :D
had a really great time there :D
n is really happy n dint regret going. hehe.
nana knows everything :D <3<3<3
this coming week is gonna be a busy one.
i hope i can do better for my bfa quiz this time though i've no confidence
then wed is presentation *nervous nervous*

anw i hope our friendship to be like that or improve :D

2010-01-01T22:39:00.001+08:00

ooops... i'm thinkin of someone i'm not suppose to =X

2010-01-01T12:54:00.003+08:00

happy new year!!!
celebrated new year with nexo n novir :D
and its was kinda lots of fun???
cause i drunk too much n felt unwell-resulting to vomit :(
if dint happen would have been better.
from sch to sean hse with novir then nexo n back to novir
many things happen with novir n what happen there keep n stay there :)
and as usual i couldnt keep myself away the whole way through :(
then whats the point of me tonning??? i wonder at times
anw its something new to me as every year holiday celebrations like new year are celebrated at home with the tv.
its something new n a change :D

n i got 1 BIG new year resolution for now...
which is to totally forget about him
no more thinking abt the past abt the times we hard
cause its history n a new begin starting from today :)

2009-12-30T23:13:00.002+08:00

i dont know what i'm doin
i feel sian when i'm left out
but when i'm busy i cant make it for events i make them kinda sian i guess
so whats wrong with me
i cant accept the give n take method
i hate myself for being so selfish

2009-12-30T23:02:00.003+08:00

trg sucks today
the feeling when i see him
i have forgotten all abt him still jus now
then made me feel dam sian :(
worst i had to talk to him had to eye contact
then my skill deprove AGAIN and i'm back to being demoralise
and i'm gonna be soo busy this 2 weeks how am i suppose to do extra trging
i dont know and no one can understand this feelin in me
hiaz
tml gonna countdown and i'm feeling so moodynow :(
aww man
and suddenly there's also so many project and submission hand up...
b

2009-12-30T07:54:00.001+08:00

so screwed.
was really tired ytd and slept at 10PM!!!
was suppose to wake up at 12AM but i dint :(
so kinda rushing some work now before going to sch for project meet up
suddenly so many projects so little time
cant wait for new year but then its gonna be hectic too
with cds test on tue :( aww man!! yucks! plus i dont really understand...
and mass otc outing how???

2009-12-28T23:40:00.003+08:00

made my choice today n was kinda wrong one
bt from here i learn from mistakes
and that is how choices r made
sacrifices must be made
choices must be chosen
i must be decisive!!!!!!!

anw thx beesiang for the small xmas gift :D
so sweet of her <3

2009-12-27T23:15:00.002+08:00

been blog quite often this few days
anw went dinner with family then headed to spore flyer
really shocking that its so crowded
nothing much except lots of queueing
and camhor lots with my sis during the whole time.
the scenery was alright dint fascinated me that much
n whoopie!!!
my wish came true!! :D
my wish of novir dinner tml :D
i realise i gonna make a choice, n i've decided that...

2009-12-27T17:07:00.001+08:00

i got the sudden urge to go out.
outin with nexoian or novirian
i miss the peeps
miss the times of chillin chitchat hang out till late in the night
jus like that :D
but then school is reopening
so fast so soon...

2009-12-26T23:37:00.002+08:00

ilovemygirlfriendslots!!!!
met up with girlfriends today to celebrate jh belated bday and exchange of xmas presents
thx for the pressies girls :)
whoopie!! miss n love them lots
super long nvr meet up already
all of us all have our own lives now
but we're still the same
together, loud, crazy, a time of our lives <333
and i hope it will remain this way with many years to come :)
no matter what or how busy we still keep in contact
everything was really fine n great then suddenly the thought of u came.
made me realise i have fully forgotten yet
maybe cause of sudden seen n saw
ah wadever. try not to care. but to think seeing u when sch reopen
i dont know.....

ps: a random stuff. i miss novir n clique too.. wanna have outing with them but school is reopening :(

2009-12-25T22:50:00.002+08:00

finally did some packing of my room
then watch twilight before going to ehub for jap buffet dinner :D
eat till stomach wanna burst.
came home chit chat a little while with wy
now i'm super tired
gonna sleep. nights.

2009-12-25T09:13:00.001+08:00

fb is giving me problems :( cant upload photos :(

2009-12-25T09:03:00.002+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :D
i'm back from climbing trip at malaysia back to reality
i miss my friends so much here in s'pore
n it was kinda eventful trip i should say
and here n there i was.......
the urge of giving up is back
i dont know why
why do i wan to give up so easily? haiz
anw pic in fb shall do the talking of my trip
n with the trip i miss novir very first outing kinda sadded actually
and now.. i feel lost AGAIN! ah!!! i dont know where is my sense of direction
where is my aim or even a small goal???
and i'm again nt sure abt wad i feel towards u
dint sort them out during the trip
so i guess i cant say anything.
celebrating jia jia b'day tml :)
n nt actually that sure of today plans

2009-12-20T00:38:00.002+08:00

screwed la
jus screwed up.
thx to myself to giving myself to wad has come now.
i dont know wad i am doin again!!!!
i'm forever like that.
its so f*** seriously
dam sian now

2009-12-19T21:58:00.003+08:00

whoo!! went last min shopping with wy:)
had lots of fun
but since i haven fully rested i felt tired really easy
went out early came home late.
yet to pack my bag for traveling yet
and is sadded gonna miss the first novir outing :(

2009-12-19T02:19:00.002+08:00

camp over today woke up late n wasted time -.-
n i haven packed my messy room :(
i thought hols would be super fun n interesting
but i end up being super duper busy.
with so many things to do.
just one day after otc its so happening already
n i'm sadded i'm cant keep up with the happenings cause i'm too busy.
argh! then next week goin climbing camp missing out on things too.
awww man
kinda hate myself for not able to be satisfied
keep wanting for more argh.
anw went to buy my new blades like finally
tml shoppin
sun goin to malaysia so fast.
so fast 1 week after termtest is gone....

2009-12-18T01:11:00.002+08:00

whoo-- OTC is over!!!
NOVIR IS LOVED :D
been a great time :D except for the 2nd day which i felt sick :(
think was due to overexertion then had terrible headache n slight fever.
bt still went to rest n was glad i was able to continue :D
whee... i love my empire i love my fellow GLs :D
is looking forward to an up coming outing
which i dont know when which with my hectic schedule.
i really must plan my time well!!!
but its dam hard!!! argh- jia you!!
n my ring in the ear seem to worsen :(
still i enjoyed myself thought had many ups n down... <3<3<3

2009-12-15T00:40:00.002+08:00

so been busy.
sat night went clubbing for the first time cousin brought me that.
isnt that bad bt quite fun. bt then i dont think i will go again.
cause it resulted to tinnitus-continuous ringing sound in the ear.
haiz. n i'm really really scared. the ringing its on for 2 full day.
n tml is otc next week climbing trip.
i'm scared for my ear :(
besides that ytd and today went work n climbing trg.
haiz. i'm really scared. i scared it wont stop. i scared i might go crazy.
besides that i also have another something else.
hopes it turn out good.

2009-12-12T19:13:00.002+08:00

TERM TEST IS OVER!
last paper was horrible :(
stayed really last to study.
bt wad i study dint came out. haiz. super sadded.
think i'll do super bad.
anw. its kinda over TRY nt to think abt it ba.
thought when get the results its kinda disappointed n wasted.
anw after that went bella hse see lipton, swimming at jurong east swimming complex follow by new moon.
was really tired and the show was really draggy. still i dint sleep through the show :D
STILL manage to walk home wuth someone and doubts was cleared.
thought i know things wont be the same anymore.
today went shopping for formal wear. manage to find one with reasonable pricing :D
n i still got many things to buy bt i'm super broke!! ah!!! :(

anw i'm real glad that i'm kept busy this 2 weeks.
at first i was afraid i might be too tired but now i think back no..
really i still haven forget u
it was exams which kept me occupied.
when i'm free i start to think.
haven gotten over at all...

2009-12-10T17:03:00.002+08:00

FINALLY tml is the last paper..
but but but. i'm in no mood to study!!!
especially when i'm clueless on whats gonna come out and the thought of having to memorise soooo many facts turns me off :(
really lookin forward to hols :D
so many things installed and there's a lot more i wanna do!!!
but there isnt enough time!!

anw have cleared my mind :)
i decided what i want but now is to TELL :(
and its super random??? particular someone is ringing in my HEAD!!!

2009-12-06T02:14:00.002+08:00

shit screwed die!
my brain feels super jam n tense.
i'm startin to worry :(
i'm afraid tt comes my mind blanks :(
i feel that i've jumble up all my fact i've learnt :(
argh! :( i dont know wad to do!!!
can tahan for a week???
even if so.
still got so long more to go :(
haiz..
super brain jam!!!

2009-12-04T00:49:00.002+08:00

time flies so fast.
it really does.
i dint realise it till jus now on my way home.
its been close to a mth alr.
n i think things dint really change much
i guess :(
haiz. it doesnt feels like it happen a mth ago.
but then besides that.
other things change real fast.
next week is term test alr.
then will be hols.
and now i'm study harder then usual.
and now. it seems like total strangers!! i cant imagine THAT.
STRANGERS! :( but cant help it can i. cause its the FACT.
somethings change while others still remain the same.

2009-12-01T22:13:00.002+08:00

my motivation level is swaying :(
hopes for the sub i thought i might do well also shattered. haiz!!
i feel dam stupid n dumb :(
dont feel like studying anymore.
everything is so difficult.
everyone around me is so much better.
haven a year n i'm exhausted. haiz.
then i also saw him today.
something really unexpected and it came with the quizzy feeling.
anw thx nana n wanyi for talking to me :)

2009-11-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

is at za hse now.
shall blog a little before i really start on my mask.
firstly i really dont like myself being oversensitive :(
thinking so much over a small thing.
haiz.
climbing skills i still think its sucks.
n everyone is so busy to plan 'stuff'' :(
then the quiz week is over. n i feel i screwed up almost all my quizzes :(
aww man. things are not goin smoothly AGAIN!
haiz.
is being all negative AGAIN! argh!
worst when i see his fb. on the journey along during the same familiar road sucks.
nt once alr the feeling :(
how i wish everything all pass away quickly...

2009-11-25T20:12:00.002+08:00

this is gonna be a dam ridiculous post.
then it made me realise that i'm not strong. not at all.
last night my subconscious mind suddenly thought of u for no apparent reason.
and i really dont wanna think anymore.
i jus wanna forget everything!
then just now after my nap. i woke up everything was totally black i feel really horrible.
i dont know y.
i suddenly dont like the lonely dark feeling at all :(
maybe i expected my mum n sis to be back.
worst. i was sweatin when i woke up and my leg suddenly went numb when i get up of bed.
n i FELL! yes! the suddenly of unable to walk for that moment
the feeling was horrible :( really.
during that moment of time :(

2009-11-23T23:39:00.002+08:00

firstly i wanna say OTC HERE I COME :D
whee!! i got in :)
things are getting better but at time it still hurts it still do.
it hurts when i've been to places with memories :(
i hurts when i have to face you, seeing you or talking to you.
but that you will nvr ever know.
slowly but not surely the feelings are fading :(
then got back bouldering com results. i knew i would do badly.
n i did :( argh! hope i can improve my skills ba.
then there is also bmic test which was kinda screwed :(
term test is in 2 weeks time EEE!
hope i work hard n do alright .
anw i'm really looking forward to otc. :DDD
it will really help keep my mind occupied.

n lastly. i suddenly taught of my chirstmas/new years gifts i want. haha!!!
1. 2010 diary
2. demin/leather or both jacket. (i dont know y. thought i've lots of jacket alr!!)
3. shoe bag which can fit 2 pairs of shoes.
4. more chalk supply. haha!!

2009-11-22T21:41:00.001+08:00

when will i ever learnt my lesson???
when will i ever wake up?

2009-11-21T13:59:00.000+08:00

dont like csas at all :(
and the presence of the teacher jus irritate me!!

2009-11-21T11:25:00.002+08:00

this week pass so fast.
last week so slow.
a blink of an eye and 2 weeks are gone.
2 week ago.
things were diff.
n now things change so much.
i'm confused. but will nvr know. n trying to forget.
but on n on. i being reminded. how how?? :( haiz..
n am i doing the right thing for the other?
i dont know. just leave it as things are.
and term test is nearing so much :(
and i wanna go for otc!!
but my climb how? dam sad that it degrade so much. haiz. wad to do. wad to do.
everything also WO BU ZHI DAO!!!!

2009-11-17T22:10:00.001+08:00

i wanna forget the feelings for u
n be back to close friends.
bt that will nvr happen.
even if i ever forget the feelinsg for u..

2009-11-17T20:19:00.002+08:00

everything is back to square one.
the sucky feeling. haiz.
i really tired to be myself.
bt sometimes i really cant :(
and things jus keep piling up.
firstly, the hamster finally pass away.
then i also accidentally drop and the screen crack.
suppose to had 3 test and end up with only accounting.
which i had high hopes for.
bt i screwed it. haiz. everything i hope/expected gone to improve my results.
n studies haiz. screwed
climbing skills also screwed.
relationship screwed. :(
saw him after sch walkin off with a girl.
i nt suppose to think bt every time i see him the feelings all come back :(
haiz.
y did i get myself into such a situation.
where everything just crumble on me.
the only grateful thing is i'm really grateful my friends are there for me.
bt i keep feeling i'm burdening everyone :(

2009-11-15T22:43:00.002+08:00

i really do miss u...

2009-11-13T23:31:00.002+08:00

so its all over.
totally gone not even a dash of hope.
thats wad. after talking ytd.
so my mind set die die must change to JUST FRIENDS
no matter how long, hard, tired heartbreaking it takes.
i just have to except the fact.
been a really really really tired week for me.
physically n mentally. till i dont know when.
just so tired i really wanna rest.
i badly wan to :(
bt no.. its just the fact which no matter wad i have to keep that in mind.
which kinda result to ccn days being horrible for me.
its great we had so much fun.
bt now. thought i'm slowly healing the wound.
it will takes a long long time. i know :(
i still think its jus too sudden BUT ITS ALL OVER FOR GOOD!
stupid idiot dumb wadever shit it is of me.
so weak n fragile.
sometimes i hate myself.
i really do :(

2009-11-12T18:22:00.000+08:00

shit how.. today. especially today.
whywhy.. my mind n thoughts r all abt him.
till i'm goin crazy!! ah!! how wad to do.
iwannatellsomeone :(
but who.. i'm feelin so horrible :(

2009-11-12T10:25:00.002+08:00

wow.
the week is finally coming to end.
n tml is fri. friday!! u know.. the day i was actually looking forward to.. but now..
i realise i havent gotten over u one single bit at all :(
this is maybe y u have not gotten over her a single bit too??
thought i manage to but it hurts. n still real bad.
the smile i give sometime is just not to make ppl around me worry.
but then..
what do i wan?
now i really dont know.
i doubt we will be back together really.
maybe i think too much think so fast ba.
should give u more more time n thing i dont know.. how will it be??
does it really end like this??
omg. it really hurt too badly. to think like this day last week we would be bla bla bla.
n now. not even a word. not even an eye contact. haiz..
trying not to think bt how to. the worst is during trgs.
i think the me during trgs r the worst.
to hide all my emotions of u..

2009-11-11T16:48:00.002+08:00

so its been a few days without him n i miss him lots
i really do :(
i may seem smiling and all.
bt deep down. i really miss him.
i really love him. i really really do
bt why did it happen?why did it.
on n off i ask this qns. bt wads the use
i jus wait n wait aimlessly.
i hope for the best.
i hope his feelings for me dont disappear is time passes :(
i hope his feeling for her disappear.
i dont wanna tell him anything anymore.
i dont wan to make him feel bad.
dont wan to give him more burden.
so everything is said here,
all my feeling.
maybe things will be better? thats wad keeps me smiling.
till the day that he really goes then i guess its good bye.
bt i wont n dont wan to give up.
and mostly, i dont hate him at all.
n dont really blame him anymore.
to think this fri would be 2nd month.
and the follow mth his birthday
and the followin mth our 3rd mth after tt.
bt that was the pass all in the past now...

2009-11-09T23:20:00.003+08:00

actually. the whole day still did suck.
on n off u kept appearing in my mind.
then trg was really horrible. was really heart ached.
but belinda htht with me n i'm real glad she did.
i dont know how she n kai xuan found out but i'm glad they did talk to me.
mostly belinda ba. yup.
so all i do now is patiently wait for the future to be better.
i still will love u n wait for u. hopefully things will get for the better.
lastly..
i wanna thank all my friends who were there for me this few days.
thx for being there.
especially bio clique whom gave me lots n lots of comforting hugs
and
girlfriends..
nt to forget darly.

2009-11-09T08:32:00.002+08:00

u know wad hurts the most.
every morning and every night.
the start and end of the day.
at night i'm no longer distracted.
and those thoughts flows back.
then in the middle of the night i would suddenly wake up.
worst u kept appearing in my subconscious mind
n i cant go back to sleep:(
then early in the morning
the sudden though of u will jus appear.
ithurtalot it seriously does.

2009-11-08T06:05:00.002+08:00

i guess everything is gone. all gone.
just because of one incident all that had happen to me is gone.
why must it turn out this way.
manage to get some sleep thanks to father.
but than when i woke up everything came abck to my mind.
everything u said.
its jus hurts it seriously does :(
but the truth is u will nvr come back to me anymore.
u will nvr be mine, mine only.

2009-11-07T18:56:00.005+08:00

i hope u do read this..
though i wont know unless u tell me..
just dont know how to convey to u so blogger will do the job..
for me it started ytd thinking over many thing.
was glad u asked n i told u everything abt it.
then came the worst which happen today. just now.
i dont know how or why it happen.
but it did n i was really really really upset.
i rather know the truth then to be kept. though the truth is really hurting.
i thought today would be better after last night.
but no. it got worst only.
n well wad can i say.
just respect wad u say n just wait for thing to be back to norm.
hopefully u would forgetting her. but will it happen???
and the thing that was the most hurting was that it happen for a week for so. it could have been more than a week who know. i wont know for sure.
all i know is i wasnt the only person in ur mind during this period of time.
all i know is for now it wont be back to normal as before.
as i will kept be reminded of it.
the trust? i dont know.
but i do know for sure is that i still do love u.
n i really do hope u will sort ur feeling out.
lastly
i'm feeling really tired for not able to stop tearing :(
it jus keep coming down like nvr ending.

2009-11-01T23:09:00.002+08:00

so spent my weekend at climb on held at paris ris park.
dint touch on any work :(
then tue theres hpi tut quiz :(
good thing though tml no trg :)
n i miss my bf.
dint spent quality time with him :P
so tml is another week of sch.

2009-10-30T22:47:00.004+08:00

another week of school is over.
n i'm starting to struggle soon!
especially when this weekend i wont be free to revise my work :(
been a busy week at school.
then next week gonna have test soon :(
anw this week also ended well :)
went out with bf n his clique after my dental checkup.
at first was a little reluctant but i dint regret goin along :)
meet him at marina seoul garden at 4 plus n stayed there till 6 plus.
the best thing was i dint pay a single cent. hehe :P
really enjoy myself with bf a lot :)
thx bf:)
then at first kinda have a bad new to me.
but it turn out alright.
hopes things will continue to be like that.
and my teeth hurts a little from today appointment :(
tml is climb on..

2009-10-25T14:31:00.001+08:00

this is a super random thought at a super random timing while i'm doin my tut..
that is...

I MISS MY PRINCESSES~~~
gotta sudden urge to meet them chit chat with them for dinner at central.
aww...

2009-10-23T22:36:00.002+08:00

first week of sch has finally ended :)
things turn out great for me no tut n lab for the first week.
spend lots of time with bf, crashing his lect n all.
almost was a terrible week cause i almost lost my blades
but..
i manage to find it back :)
today was the best of the best i have spent with bf :)
but poor bf had his higher engineen maths test which was so difficult which made him dam dam sian.
me being his gf feel quite bad dint know how to comfort him :(
but then he feel better i hope.
n we did lots of stupid retard nonsensical stuff.
wad a stupid WEIRD bf i have but... i still love him :)

2009-10-19T23:35:00.002+08:00

y am i such a cry baby???
cant control my tears :(
crying over reasons not to cry abt.
did it last night cause of some nasty things my mother said.
n again jus now :(
i dont care wad if u people of to say if u do.
but all i know i dint do anything wrong jus now.
jus dont wan to be seen by u guys how i was.
but still, i'm really grateful for bf to be there for me :)
he was there when i needed the most :)
kinda thx to akmal too..

2009-10-18T18:10:00.004+08:00

so.. climbaprix is over.
n dint do well at all. got 6 out of the 8 finalise :(
the routes were fun n experience. with lots of stupid mistake.
did complete 2 but then... i dont know leh..
achievement wise i dont feel happy at all..
i'm feelin worst then how i felt during qualify. :(
ahh.. sucks la..
anw congrates to shi hui on geting third for her first bouldering competition.
she really is good.
too good le la. haha!

then ta bao kfc for lunch while watchin wanted.
followed by a nap.
the usual lazing life for my sun afternoon.

then tml sch is reopening.
must study more n do better.
less fb-in n computer.
after trgs no more dinner but home.
back to being no life girl. haha!

i'm havin this weird weird feelin which i dont feelin happy at all when i think abt it :(

2009-10-17T19:39:00.002+08:00

whoopiiieeee.. got into climbaprix finals.
top 1 flash 2 n dint complete 1 cause of a stupid mistake.
but over all i kinda think it isnt that bad. thought i could do better.
bf was suppose to come n support me but was late.
then after watch the novice guys while fell asleep
wait for debrief to be over. n went home with bf.
was really really tired cause dint sleep well last night as i was disturbed by my sis cough n think abt com.
then had a wonderful dream of 'the wonderful night' :)
really wants it to happen again but then it wont seem to possible.
that was a lucky chance :)
so tml 8 at sp. bf wont be able to come. so gonna be kinda bored.

2009-10-15T23:25:00.002+08:00

so camp is finally over.
overall it was great fun. the activities wasnt bad. but then too much slack in between making me feeling sleeping.
but cant blame anyone too.
also stayover with bf which was great to the max :)
enjoy n treasure the time spent cause it wont happen again. most likely.
many many things happen :)))
the only bad thing abt the camp was where lots of injury.
hope for them to all heal fast :)
then this sat i've climaprix, a climbing com at sp.
is feeling nervous n all. plus wad bf explain makes me more nervous. haha!
the bad thing was my climbing shoes n chalk bag got soak with my WET shoes. AHHHAH....

then finally timetable is out.
n i can say its really kinda sucks. urgg!!!
among my bio clique can say mine is worst???
having lessons 11-6 on mon n wed and 9-7 on tue n thurs.
worst then trgs r on mon n wed. how to tahan tue n thurs lessons. ahhhhhh...
only fri is life saviour. haha!! 9-3 then maybe can go meet bf cause he has no sch :)
got understanding arts n accountings for cds. urgg..
dont even know y i chose understanding arts. jus hope i dont screwed it.
bad thing is non of bio clique have the same sub as i do.
screw it la!!!
dont know how.
jus hope the ppl i meet n all would be kind souls. ahhh!!!!!!!
pls pls survive the next sem n get better gpa.
jia you to myself!!! :)

2009-10-13T01:08:00.003+08:00

slack the mornin till afternoon at home the whole day
then did some packing while wait for bf msg.
follow by met up with him.
then slack a while with him at the library
poor thing he was so tired preparing for camp.
dint went far cause he had to go home early as usual.
slack in the library and he fall asleep.
super cute to see him sleep ^^
then went to take his bag follow by groceries shopping n home.
11 plus went htht with mich downstairs my blk.
before reaching home at 12 plus.
anw i'm really really happy i finally did my first pull up :) ^^

2009-10-11T19:55:00.003+08:00

ahhhhh!!!!
irritating me. i jus feel like keeping myself.
i slept so so soooooo much at the chalet.
n i came home was feeling tired AGAIN!!!
n i slept from 1 plus to 7 plus.
GOSH!!! it really is a lot a lot.

2009-10-11T12:21:00.002+08:00

back from nexo chalet.
learnt how to play majong.
but then.. i still cant kick the stupid habit of mine fallin asleep :(
cant stay up late..:(
but still overall it was fun. with many interesting happenings.
before that was ranking com.
dont know wad to say abt it.
do i or do i not suck??
i did n did not expect my climb to be how it was??
anw bf is coming back from malaysia today. miss him lots.

2009-10-08T21:55:00.002+08:00

suppose to meet bf earlier but he had to finalise his camp preparation.
n our plans were dampened cause of the rain :(
but either way..
we still met up for dinner n enjoyed ourselves :)
thought its a short while :)
tml is rankin com=die die :(
kinda scared but the feeling is not there yet.
then bf is going to malaysia again for dental checkup..
gonna miss him.. lucky nexo chalet will keep me occupied :)

2009-10-04T23:31:00.002+08:00

busy busy week.
had skates chalet n intervals had climbing trg.
skates urban was great yet creepy for me.
then fri had climbing outing.
i dint felt well so wasnt myself. ya..
today went to look for presents n meet mich to celebrate her late late belated birthday.
after that went home.
hope nana n zaza will like the gift i get them. thought its really really simple :(
legs are exhausted n aching.
tml going to celebrate zaza n nana birthday before trg. gosh.. another busy day..

2009-09-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

today went visiting with bf n his clique.
meet at 10 n waited till 11.30 before we left cause one of his friends was THAT late!
even so i had a time of my life :)
visited 6 houses in total.
during cny i also dont do that many visiting.
was a great learning experience for me too :)
learnt lots of new stuff n tried new food.
the best part was spending every single moment with bf :)
each time i spent time with bf is being treasured :)

bf taught me many new stuff. n i love him lots :)

2009-09-29T23:11:00.002+08:00

ytd went an last min outing with mich n wy.
was suppose to meet earlier but me n mich overslept.
after that went to get breakfast before heading to wy hse.
then went to play frisbee n baobao:)
super long very see baobao le. he change a lot. but still super cute.
but somehow i feel bad playing with baobao. over some reasons. ya.
anw after that went back to wy hse before heading for lunch at wy sis place.
cam hore with a swing on our way there.
after that met up with someone before heading to watch g-forces :)
then had to depart with darlins before heading for trg.
trg was alright.
after that ate prata till late 11 before leaving.
took the same bus with soffia n sh. n somehow i felt weird. n i was also very upset by wad someone did.
anw waiting super long at 201 was kinda worried there might not be any bus :(
lucky there was n reached home close to 1!!!

2009-09-25T00:32:00.002+08:00

awww man.. i feeling PHYSICALLY terrible all over.
muscle ached since tue trg.
sore throat since wed.
lots of bruises
fingers hurt.
all this makes me feeling all grouchy.
hope tml dental appointment wont be painful.
or it adds on.

2009-09-18T01:12:00.002+08:00

r u referin to me?? r u?? r u??
yearning back for the past but its impossible n things will NVR be the same again.
i dont know if u know.
but both of us were in the wrong. unless u dont feel u were in the wrong.
to me both of us were.
i understand the feelin.
i went through it before.
not once not twice but i number of time.
keep tellin myself i shouldnt let it happen.
but at the point of time i cant help it.
at the time its was kinda stressful, n a little creepy thinkin of those thoughts.
n now.. wow.. i dont know wad to say. i've no comments.
guess i kinda deserve it i guess.
but still.. i also dont know how to put to words.
it more tiring being happy n sad at the same time then being sad totally.

2009-09-16T23:01:00.002+08:00

ok.. the day went great today :)
n how i wish this will remain as it is.
was late for trg. n got a lecture from coach.
however it was followed by a praise.
anw ya i admit i was wrong the other time.
so now its kinda gettin back on me.
but i dont get it.. it seems another group of 'rachel' gang is being formed
ya. so today trg kinda sucks a little at the same time it dint.
n cause of trg i dint went for mini class gathering..

i find i'm having difficulty copin.
at times i feel left out.
too busy.
i wanna be part of it but i'm too busy..

2009-09-16T14:40:00.002+08:00

wad this feelin i'm having.
this quirky feeling i have.
i'm a bit regretting it..
but at that time i wasnt.
i kinda miss ur presence. but i'm afraid of history repeating?
k yes. i guess i was wrong.
but still..
who wont help thinking that way.. hmm..
overall no matter wad. friends r still important. very important.

2009-09-11T23:09:00.003+08:00

enjoyed myself today :)
had half day work then went help zamir with adding of tiles at the high wall..
but no matter how much fun it was.
every time i think abt results i'm dam sad :(
especially when i'm alone..
haiz.. sian la..
when will i get over it..