is at za hse now.
shall blog a little before i really start on my mask.
firstly i really dont like myself being oversensitive :(
thinking so much over a small thing.
haiz.
climbing skills i still think its sucks.
n everyone is so busy to plan 'stuff'' :(
then the quiz week is over. n i feel i screwed up almost all my quizzes :(
aww man. things are not goin smoothly AGAIN!
haiz.
is being all negative AGAIN! argh!
worst when i see his fb. on the journey along during the same familiar road sucks.
nt once alr the feeling :(
how i wish everything all pass away quickly...

this is gonna be a dam ridiculous post.
then it made me realise that i'm not strong. not at all.
last night my subconscious mind suddenly thought of u for no apparent reason.
and i really dont wanna think anymore.
i jus wanna forget everything!
then just now after my nap. i woke up everything was totally black i feel really horrible.
i dont know y.
i suddenly dont like the lonely dark feeling at all :(
maybe i expected my mum n sis to be back.
worst. i was sweatin when i woke up and my leg suddenly went numb when i get up of bed.
n i FELL! yes! the suddenly of unable to walk for that moment
the feeling was horrible :( really.
during that moment of time :(

firstly i wanna say OTC HERE I COME :D
whee!! i got in :)
things are getting better but at time it still hurts it still do.
it hurts when i've been to places with memories :(
i hurts when i have to face you, seeing you or talking to you.
but that you will nvr ever know.
slowly but not surely the feelings are fading :(
then got back bouldering com results. i knew i would do badly.
n i did :( argh! hope i can improve my skills ba.
then there is also bmic test which was kinda screwed :(
term test is in 2 weeks time EEE!
hope i work hard n do alright .
anw i'm really looking forward to otc. :DDD
it will really help keep my mind occupied.

n lastly. i suddenly taught of my chirstmas/new years gifts i want. haha!!!
1. 2010 diary
2. demin/leather or both jacket. (i dont know y. thought i've lots of jacket alr!!)
3. shoe bag which can fit 2 pairs of shoes.
4. more chalk supply. haha!!

when will i ever learnt my lesson???
when will i ever wake up?

dont like csas at all :(
and the presence of the teacher jus irritate me!!

this week pass so fast.
last week so slow.
a blink of an eye and 2 weeks are gone.
2 week ago.
things were diff.
n now things change so much.
i'm confused. but will nvr know. n trying to forget.
but on n on. i being reminded. how how?? :( haiz..
n am i doing the right thing for the other?
i dont know. just leave it as things are.
and term test is nearing so much :(
and i wanna go for otc!!
but my climb how? dam sad that it degrade so much. haiz. wad to do. wad to do.
everything also WO BU ZHI DAO!!!!

i wanna forget the feelings for u
n be back to close friends.
bt that will nvr happen.
even if i ever forget the feelinsg for u..

everything is back to square one.
the sucky feeling. haiz.
i really tired to be myself.
bt sometimes i really cant :(
and things jus keep piling up.
firstly, the hamster finally pass away.
then i also accidentally drop and the screen crack.
suppose to had 3 test and end up with only accounting.
which i had high hopes for.
bt i screwed it. haiz. everything i hope/expected gone to improve my results.
n studies haiz. screwed
climbing skills also screwed.
relationship screwed. :(
saw him after sch walkin off with a girl.
i nt suppose to think bt every time i see him the feelings all come back :(
haiz.
y did i get myself into such a situation.
where everything just crumble on me.
the only grateful thing is i'm really grateful my friends are there for me.
bt i keep feeling i'm burdening everyone :(

i really do miss u...

so its all over.
totally gone not even a dash of hope.
thats wad. after talking ytd.
so my mind set die die must change to JUST FRIENDS
no matter how long, hard, tired heartbreaking it takes.
i just have to except the fact.
been a really really really tired week for me.
physically n mentally. till i dont know when.
just so tired i really wanna rest.
i badly wan to :(
bt no.. its just the fact which no matter wad i have to keep that in mind.
which kinda result to ccn days being horrible for me.
its great we had so much fun.
bt now. thought i'm slowly healing the wound.
it will takes a long long time. i know :(
i still think its jus too sudden BUT ITS ALL OVER FOR GOOD!
stupid idiot dumb wadever shit it is of me.
so weak n fragile.
sometimes i hate myself.
i really do :(

shit how.. today. especially today.
whywhy.. my mind n thoughts r all abt him.
till i'm goin crazy!! ah!! how wad to do.
iwannatellsomeone :(
but who.. i'm feelin so horrible :(

wow.
the week is finally coming to end.
n tml is fri. friday!! u know.. the day i was actually looking forward to.. but now..
i realise i havent gotten over u one single bit at all :(
this is maybe y u have not gotten over her a single bit too??
thought i manage to but it hurts. n still real bad.
the smile i give sometime is just not to make ppl around me worry.
but then..
what do i wan?
now i really dont know.
i doubt we will be back together really.
maybe i think too much think so fast ba.
should give u more more time n thing i dont know.. how will it be??
does it really end like this??
omg. it really hurt too badly. to think like this day last week we would be bla bla bla.
n now. not even a word. not even an eye contact. haiz..
trying not to think bt how to. the worst is during trgs.
i think the me during trgs r the worst.
to hide all my emotions of u..

so its been a few days without him n i miss him lots
i really do :(
i may seem smiling and all.
bt deep down. i really miss him.
i really love him. i really really do
bt why did it happen?why did it.
on n off i ask this qns. bt wads the use
i jus wait n wait aimlessly.
i hope for the best.
i hope his feelings for me dont disappear is time passes :(
i hope his feeling for her disappear.
i dont wanna tell him anything anymore.
i dont wan to make him feel bad.
dont wan to give him more burden.
so everything is said here,
all my feeling.
maybe things will be better? thats wad keeps me smiling.
till the day that he really goes then i guess its good bye.
bt i wont n dont wan to give up.
and mostly, i dont hate him at all.
n dont really blame him anymore.
to think this fri would be 2nd month.
and the follow mth his birthday
and the followin mth our 3rd mth after tt.
bt that was the pass all in the past now...

actually. the whole day still did suck.
on n off u kept appearing in my mind.
then trg was really horrible. was really heart ached.
but belinda htht with me n i'm real glad she did.
i dont know how she n kai xuan found out but i'm glad they did talk to me.
mostly belinda ba. yup.
so all i do now is patiently wait for the future to be better.
i still will love u n wait for u. hopefully things will get for the better.
lastly..
i wanna thank all my friends who were there for me this few days.
thx for being there.
especially bio clique whom gave me lots n lots of comforting hugs
and
girlfriends..
nt to forget darly.

u know wad hurts the most.
every morning and every night.
the start and end of the day.
at night i'm no longer distracted.
and those thoughts flows back.
then in the middle of the night i would suddenly wake up.
worst u kept appearing in my subconscious mind
n i cant go back to sleep:(
then early in the morning
the sudden though of u will jus appear.
ithurtalot it seriously does.

i guess everything is gone. all gone.
just because of one incident all that had happen to me is gone.
why must it turn out this way.
manage to get some sleep thanks to father.
but than when i woke up everything came abck to my mind.
everything u said.
its jus hurts it seriously does :(
but the truth is u will nvr come back to me anymore.
u will nvr be mine, mine only.

i hope u do read this..
though i wont know unless u tell me..
just dont know how to convey to u so blogger will do the job..
for me it started ytd thinking over many thing.
was glad u asked n i told u everything abt it.
then came the worst which happen today. just now.
i dont know how or why it happen.
but it did n i was really really really upset.
i rather know the truth then to be kept. though the truth is really hurting.
i thought today would be better after last night.
but no. it got worst only.
n well wad can i say.
just respect wad u say n just wait for thing to be back to norm.
hopefully u would forgetting her. but will it happen???
and the thing that was the most hurting was that it happen for a week for so. it could have been more than a week who know. i wont know for sure.
all i know is i wasnt the only person in ur mind during this period of time.
all i know is for now it wont be back to normal as before.
as i will kept be reminded of it.
the trust? i dont know.
but i do know for sure is that i still do love u.
n i really do hope u will sort ur feeling out.
lastly
i'm feeling really tired for not able to stop tearing :(
it jus keep coming down like nvr ending.

so spent my weekend at climb on held at paris ris park.
dint touch on any work :(
then tue theres hpi tut quiz :(
good thing though tml no trg :)
n i miss my bf.
dint spent quality time with him :P
so tml is another week of sch.