so my mood seem to... after something.
however i think now the problem lies with me.
i cant seem to forget or let go what happen the other day which is the reason.
i just didnt seem to understand the other day.
then nowadays me and sea keep having disagreements.
(i also realise not only others are followers i myself am as well)
i dont know why.
maybe our thinking are different.
they have change.
i really just hope it will be better.
i dont want things between us to be gone just like that

today hmm i hadadd a little mood swings on and off.
and last night i...
i just cant seem to help it.
and i feel really FAKE!
u know really really fake.
whatever.
when to cityhall to collect my clothes and to hmv with jh
had a wonderful time. :)

its isnt nice it isnt.
i'm confuse my feelings for u.
can i treat u more then just a friend??
it wont help if i alone tried.
do u know how i feel??
especially when something someone asked.
how am i to reply.
i want to help and seems to be rejected all the time straight away
its like a rubiks cube
but this time there seems to be no solution to solve it.
i've tried ok maybe not hard enough
but looking what happens later i'm totally switched off.
i cant think through u and this makes things between us worst.
i just tired.

today is racial harony and again wore costume.
today however, i'm exceptionally tired
every single lesson was sleepy.
then went to lp to do work
on our way home, shell told me about it
then i realise.
i'm still the same.
i still haven kick the habit.
if only i could do it.
sorry about today shell.

how weak a throat do i have.
it was feeling rather well until dinner.
i ONLY had 1 1/2 piece of fried chicken, some fries and a piece of durian.
i did drink a cup or so of water afer that
what so i get?
an unwell throat :(
i do hope it gets better tml
sore thoat is not nice
its painful and uncomfortable :(

firstly i wan to apologise to u for what happen ytd.
ya i'm sorry for not telling u and made u so sian after that.
then i thought after so many years with u.
after so much we have been through and so much u have help me.
why am i still lke this.
all i wan to say is that i hope i dont not repeat the same mistake again.
i'm glade u told me or i still wouldnt realise.

anyway i was think should i go for the ci course?
i wan to come back and help
but there are so many buts.
i dont know.

things seem better at time but at others it doesnt.
it still is the same.

was it obvious? i hope not.
*ok i'm totally talking to myself*
anyway i SORT OF came terms with myself when i was in my father's car.
and i hope what i'm think is so.
maybe its because of the different paths we are taking.
i realise today when i saw everyone had to go their own ways.
i guess i really miss the past a lot!
realy really a lot.
but no matter what things are always moving forward or u will just be left behind.
*quote from someone

i walk home from ws
though i dint know how long i took.
but i just ponder over NOTHING.
really nothing!
i dont know what wrong with me.

i'm just very sian over those things.
there seems to be more problem now then before.
i want to stop thinking.
but at times i cant.
i really cant.
hearing what u said i just wanna say that is not the point
but how?
things are just not right.
can you see or feel it?
how will things be?
i'm mentally very tired.
it wasnt the same situation like the past.
but this feeling is back, thought in a differnt way.
i hate this feeling i just hate it.

so everything seems crashing down on me
i couldnt take it any longer and cry.
was talking to michelle and really really.
what am i to do.
so many things has happen and i really dont know what to do about it.
tell me this can all be mended.
tell me it wont drag forEVER.
tell me please tell me.
i really want to say all out.
want to have a heart to heart talk about it.
a real talk.
but saying everything out will it be for the worst or better?
what if i start to cry again.
if only u realise it.
if only it would stop and end.
if only it would.
metally very tired.