people all around me getting As for their cca grade.
how disappointing.
is attendance the most important??
i just feel like giving up if i dont get it.

earlier i said it couldnt be found.
but it was actually in front of me all a long.
of all things why this.
i hate this to be the last thing of earth to be kept from me.
if i dint found would you have told me?
i doubt so.
i feel i keep bluffing myself.
there will be no miracle.


reflection.
after many months it came alive again.
those feelings starts to come back.
though its a little i still feel it.
i dont know why but it makes me feel insecure.
i'm afraid.
what if it was to happen again.
i dont want it to!

the time i spent seems so fly so fast.
but it is only a month or so.

black and white is the theme for today:)

yes. i read my previous post this morning.
i admit it may sound sarcastic but i never meant it that way.
never have i even thought it would sound like this to anyone to you .
nor did i pin point to anyone.
but still if you think is this is that i cant do anything.
i apologise if it is.

it's michelle chan's birthday today..
everything went well, smoothly.
until someone said something to me.
maybe, i thought i heard wrongly but i dont think so.
it totally break my heart.
still i put on a smiling face. :)
cause i dont want to spoilt everyone mood.
but in the end, i couldn't control my emotions.
i couldn't. i couldn't.

when can i ever control them.
every time they fall, they fall at the wrong time.
when there are people, when all of you are there.
it's totally embarrassing.
but the more i'm comforted, the more it falls.
i'm sorry but i really dint mean the day to end like this.
i really dint.
i also dint want you all to see me like that.

i've this feeling that when ever i'm close to her you will be.....
i dont know.
i cant describe the feeling.
maybe they are just my wild guesses but i dont know.
i dont wish things to turn out like this between us.

anyway
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!!!






great just great!
i did not except them to be doing till NOW!!
they must be have a great deal of fun.
and i just like sitting on the couch doing nothing.
guilt is written all over my face..
i'm the last person to know on earth, anywhere or elsewhere

i need some space.
to let everything out.
cause i can tell no one.

its her birthday tomorrow and i'm like totally of no help.
i feel totally useless, suck up.
everyone else is helping to create a wonderful day for her.
but me? i dint contribute.
someone please tell me i did...
has everything been gotten over??
no i dont think so.

my prelims results also suck up!!
i did so badly for almost all papers.
they were all way below my expectation.
tue and wed was N level ss and english respectively.
but i think i dint do well too.
i really tried my best but it still end like this....
again and again hw starts piling.

can i still believe in miracles??
i dont want it to be this way..
just hide those sorrows inside and dont show a single hint.